The idea for this film came in it's original form back in the late 90's when I saw MTV do this special anti-hate crime week I think when Matthew Shepherd was killed for simply being gay and I kept hearing stupid stories that bothered me like one that finally got the best of me when I heard a white college student on a football scholarship was drunk yelling at a black female student telling her she was just a quota filler
Warning: This story takes place in a society somewhat of like our own but not exactly, it mocks complete reverse discrimination where jobs and college opportunities are portioned out evenly between all nationalities, creeds, sexual orientations forcing people to mix with people of all types regardless of compatibility and personality conflicts
Genre: Satirical Comedy
Plot: Five social outcasts from five different schools are harassed on a daily basis in their small conservative schools. Doing well in school to prove themselves they aim for scholarships to Ivy League schools where intellectuals like themselves will accept them. However ironically due to affirmative action and business politics all the major colleges get their quotas filled early and the five outcasts go to the University of California which filled its quota of religious fanatics, racists, gun freaks, jocks etc. After making some bad first impressions they meet in a school club founded by Jeff Herm called Exposing the Conspiracies (ETC) discussing the controversial issues they can't talk about peaceable with others. Together they unite under a common message and decide to exploit themselves in campus rock band. James Knight-bass, Dylan Zimmerman-guitar, John Taupin-keyboards, Jeff Herm-drums, Cindy Marx-vocals. They never hit it big but maintain a large underground following being the voice to a large outcast minority
Characters
James Knight- African-American Cherokee from a Catholic high school who does well in chemistry and astronomy takes a degree in Astro-Physics taunted by godless heathen/voodoo child/ghetto thug stereotypes
Dylan Zimmerman- Jewish Socialist intellectual in strict Southern Baptist school takes a degree in Social Psychology taunted by dirty commie, Anti-American Anti-Christ, pot head stereotypes
John Taupin- insecure homosexual devoted to his "significant other" in a Mormon school studies 19th century poetry taunted by promiscuous degenerate sodomite stereotypes
Cindy Marx- Goth feminist from a broken home in Pentecostal school studies Modern Literature taunted by man-hating dyke whore stereotypes
Jeff Herm- Asperger's Syndrome ridden computer addict with an encyclopedia mind in an Episcopalian school takes a degree in Computer Sciences taunted by antisocial behavior/ porn addict stereotypes
Scene Sequence:
1) James' typical chemical class lab, taunted by promiscuous false Catholics talking about sex while James works quietly in the lab doing what they called his "Black Magic"
2) James graduation finds out he can only make University of California despite others blaming people like James for their own imagined lack of opportunity
3) Dylan's typical American History class, discusses Constitutional Rights with class taunted as un-American and Anti-Christian for his humanitarian views
4) Dylan graduation finds out he's going to the University of California
5) John's typical English class and while reciting poetry in class the students consistently insert gay jokes
6) John's graduation another disappointment for his drunk father to see his "fag son" only make it to the University of California
7) Cindy's typical lunch break taunted by the popular girls who won't let her eat with them despite the fact she didn't even walk by their table
8) Cindy's graduation finds out she's only going to the University of California where one fellow grad suggests they probably have a good sorority
9) Jeff's typical computer class where fellow classmates show various porn sites to Jeff Herm "The Sperm" asking if it turns him on.
10) Jeff's graduation finds out he'll have to go to the University of California
11) James first day at college walking to the chemistry lab and walks pass a few skinheads from the football team who harass and beat him for being at college for other reasons than sports
12) Dylan meets with college course counselor and they debate philanthropy and whether philanthropy comes before or after one establishes a career and whether a secular job can be socially fulfilling
13) John in college cafeteria finds out his boyfriend dumped him over the phone on issues of a long-distance relationship he cries, a female student tries to comfort him her boyfriend tries to beat him up for trying to get with his girl only to get angrier when he finds out John's gay
14) Cindy goes to college library and finds out most of the books she wants to read are banned for various alleged religious/political/ethnic offenses
15) Jeff is teased by black college girls in mock flirtation watching him dance rather spasticly to background music from another guy's headphone, he thinks inner city girls must be nicer than the small town women who'd pick on him
16) James shares a dorm room with a white woman attracted to black men across from a devout racist.
17) Dylan shares a room with a nice Sunni Muslim and a Texas Christian who are both polite and tolerant but lack tact
18) John shares a room with a paranoid homophobe
19) Cindy shares a dorm room with a self-righteous modeling student who disagrees with what she views as Cindy's way of life Gothic anti-fashion lesbianism
20) Jeff shares a room with a man who has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder who rudely insists on his way
21) Jeff starts the ETC fliers in the cafeteria
22) James joins after talking with anti-conspiracy white liberals
23) Dylan decides to join after debating the historical fact that the Holocaust existed with Neo-Nazis
24) John joins club after eating alone
25) Cindy decides to join after discussing the glass elevator with working class men who feel jilted by their lack of economic opportunity
26) The club meets discussing the Moon Landing, Crusades, Inquisition, Roswell, Rosenberg, Nazi propaganda, and then talk about assassinated leaders and musical legends decide to form a band so people would actually listen to them
27) Songwriting teams form Cindy and John; James, Dylan and Jeff
28) First rehearsal works out well together
29) Band gets gig at campus sports bar and are booed off stage
30) Bad word of mouth
31) Their reputation gets them gigs at book stores, coffee shops allowing a fan base to grow
32) Signed to independent record label
33) Mediocre sales of albums reinforces their need to finish college
34) They eventually can make out a decent living touring small venues
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
24th set of Poetry
Teaser
I want a sophisticated tease
Someone I have to work at to please
A woman with true love you have to earn
Not just a personal accessory to be worn
A lady who knows you don't deserve
Until after you learn how to serve
I'd love a woman with a full life to live
Who knows when to receive and when to give
I need a woman who won't give any man a chance
If that man can't spare a little romance.
Sweet Heart
My thoughts and feelings are never alone when I'm with you
You are my friend, a complement to everything I do
Straightforward, intimate conversations of all kinds
We reach the vulnerable parts of each others' minds
How can someone so great have so much in common with me
Reflecting off you I can finally find the confidence you see
Romantic Timing
Could I be your lover or am I just a friend
Does my affection flatter you or does it offend
Did I miss my chance or did I came too soon
Or were my chances of you further than the moon
Does this change the way you feel of me
Or does this relationship have limited possibility
If so did I just lose my best friend
Or could we cover this up and just pretend
I want a sophisticated tease
Someone I have to work at to please
A woman with true love you have to earn
Not just a personal accessory to be worn
A lady who knows you don't deserve
Until after you learn how to serve
I'd love a woman with a full life to live
Who knows when to receive and when to give
I need a woman who won't give any man a chance
If that man can't spare a little romance.
Sweet Heart
My thoughts and feelings are never alone when I'm with you
You are my friend, a complement to everything I do
Straightforward, intimate conversations of all kinds
We reach the vulnerable parts of each others' minds
How can someone so great have so much in common with me
Reflecting off you I can finally find the confidence you see
Romantic Timing
Could I be your lover or am I just a friend
Does my affection flatter you or does it offend
Did I miss my chance or did I came too soon
Or were my chances of you further than the moon
Does this change the way you feel of me
Or does this relationship have limited possibility
If so did I just lose my best friend
Or could we cover this up and just pretend
Man's Best Friends- XIII
(at the main room of Brian's apartment with Thomas, Mike and David)
Brian (man): (ecstatic) Can you believe it? She naturally likes me! She naturally likes me?
Thomas (cat): Wait Brian, she didn't say she liked you. She said she was acting as if she was dating a stranger.
Mike (dog): Yeah so?
Brian: Yeah so what Thomas?
Thomas: So? So she would be that way with a stranger but you're not a stranger you've known her for months, you are well established in the friend zone.
Brian: Friend zone? What is this a cheesy NBC sex comedy?
Thomas: No more like HBO you're not in high school anymore sport. You have to analyze everything in the worst light possible so you don't over assume yourself toward her.
Brian: What?
Thomas: That didn't make any sense but what I meant was you should always assume the worst interpretation of any verbal or non-verbal statements.
Brian: Why?
Thomas: That way you don't embarrass yourself by being over presumptuous
David (hamster): Don't listen to Thomas. Worrying about the worst outcome only adds anxiety which only leads to self-fulfilled failure.
Mike: Then why do you always assume the worse?
David: I suffer from paranoia and depression you can't just escape that sort of mindset at will.
Brian: (looking around the room panicking) Well what do I do then? (doorbell rings) Is it Friday?
Mike: No it's not. It's Wednesday.
Thomas: That was yesterday.
Brian: (panicking) Well what does that make today?
Mike: God you are nervous. Thursday comes after Wednesday. Friday is tomorrow.
Brian: Well I'll go get the door then (walks to the door and opens it to find Elizabeth at the door) Oh hi Elizabeth how are you, what are you doing here it's Thursday?
Elizabeth (librarian): Yes I do have a calendar and I did look at it this morning. But the reason why I'm here is because sometimes couples meet each other between dates.
Brian: (laughs shyly) Wow you are committed to this whole practice thing.
Elizabeth: Well you should be glad.
Brian: Of course I am it means I get to see more of you.
Elizabeth: (grins) Ah that is so-oo sweet Brian.
Brian: I just get nervous around people especially when they come unexpectedly.
Elizabeth: You never came to someone's place unexpectedly?
Brian: No I have few friends and hardly have the nerve to leave my home here.
Elizabeth: Well are you busy right now?
Brian: (honestly) Yeah I've been trying to work on this article I've been wanting to send to this music magazine.
Elizabeth: Rolling Stone?
Brian: No the Memphis Music Monthly. But I did write this one article for Dog Fancy just this past week called "Why Dogs Make Better Wingmen"
Elizabeth: Oh wow when does that come out?
Brian: Well I just got an email from their editor and they'll print it in next month but I should get the check some time this week about $400
Elizabeth: So you don't work for any particular magazine how does that work?
Brian: Great I don't have to write on one topic week after week.
Elizabeth: No I mean how does the employment arrangement work out? Like how do they hire freelance writers?
Brian: Well I just started when I was twelve sending in my writings into magazines and they just had to start paying me.
Elizabeth: Really?
Brian: Yeah well technically I'm unemployed and the Bureau of Vocational Resources tried putting me through job placement but after several jobs didn't work out they got in contact with some major magazine corporations and see if they would hire a part time writer from their welfare offices and they found a few that would hire and as long as I keep in contact with the editors and keep writing articles I can make some money without welfare but I did start writing articles to major magazines since I was twelve, but without the BVR I wouldn't be getting paid for it.
Elizabeth: One quick tip don't rant and if you do avoid the topics of unemployment and welfare.
Brian: Well why didn't you stop me?
Elizabeth: Well that would be rude.
Brian: Oh should we start all over?
Elizabeth: No just back to that music article you were writing. So what is it called?
Brian: Oh uh "Twenty Five Love Songs For Men Who Don't Like Love Songs"
Elizabeth: Oh well what's on the list?
Brian: A lot of oldies.
Elizabeth: Do you find oldies more romantic?
Brian: Well yeah love songs were less hedonistic and more caring back then.
Elizabeth: Well like what oldies songs are on the list?
Brian: I have a mix tape I'll play it at dinner tomorrow. You don't mind steaks again? It's the only thing I know how to cook otherwise I'll have to bring back fast food on my way back home from the bus ride.
Elizabeth: Fine but could I know what some of those songs are?
Brian: Wow you seem sincerely interested.
Elizabeth: Well that's because I am. I'd like to know what you consider romantic music.
Brian: Well "In My Life" by the Beatles tops the list nexto "Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrill.
Elizabeth: Why those songs?
Brian: Well they're honest. They don't make unfulfilled promises and say flattering half truths yet they are the most complimentary compositions mankind may ever hear because it comes from sincere love.
Elizabeth: That was extraordinarily articulate and beautiful. What are some others on the list?
Brian: "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys "Cant Help Falling In Love" by Elvis and..
Elizabeth: Elvis Costello? (Brian stares blankly) I'm joking (both laugh)
Brian: No, no then it wouldn't be love songs for people who hate love songs, but (thought hits him and he responds spastically) oh I almost forgot "If Not For You" written by Bob Dylan, but for those who don't care for Dylan there's the George Harrison version. And one last one I have to tell you about and then you'll just have to read it by yourself when you get the magazine.
Elizabeth: But the Memphis Music Monthly doesn't come to Minnesota?
Brian: Oh yeah well just one more before you get bored of listening to me.
Elizabeth: I'm fascinated, my grandparents listened to the same music at their fiftieth wedding anniversary.
Brian: I didn't know fiftieth anniversaries still existed.
Elizabeth: I didn't know Beatles fans still existed until I met you.
Brian: Oh "Till There Was You" from The Music Man
Elizabeth: Wow did you live with The Golden Girls?
Brian: Okay so old love songs are my guilty pleasure, so I like silly love songs what's wrong with that
Elizabeth: (singing) I'd like to know.
Brian: (joining in) because here I go again
Together: (harmonizing) I love you
Brian: Well let's save the rest of our banter for tomorrow. (Nervously) Should I kiss you goodbye?
Elizabeth: I'd love to (gives a quick kiss on the lips)
Brian: You are such a kiss teaser!
Elizabeth: (laughs in shock) Ahh What--tt?
Brian: (flirtatiously in his non casual awkward way) Yeah after all that romantic conversation and climatic build up all I get is a quick peck?
Elizabeth: Well what do you expect?
Brian: This (grabs her closely one arm around her waist and one arm around her shoulders leaning in to kiss her) oh my God i am so so very sorry please please-ease forgive me you don't have to come over tomorrow just don't be mad at me and I really love you as my friend.
Elizabeth: That's alright but other women might not like that and I normally don't but I understand you
Brian: (remorsefully and embarrassed) No you don't (shutting the door)
Elizabeth: (holding the door open) Look. Maybe hearing that somebody understands you is a strange seemingly impossible concept and maybe I don't but I do understand a lot about you and your ways.
Brian: You make it sound like a bleeding anthropology documentary.
Elizabeth: It bleeding well is because you have your own culture, your own world and your own universe but everybody does and the reason I care so much about yours is because you don't act like the center of your own universe or at least you don't expect others to be in orbit of you.
Brian: Before I say anything else could you answer me one question?
Elizabeth: What?
Brian: Exactly how do you like me?
Elizabeth: Like Roxanne loved Cyrano. Other than that I don't know how to answer. Loving you as a person lead me to loving you as a friend which for me inevitably lead me to loving you like a mate. I don't know if like a soulmate. I don't even know f I have one. But I love you.
Brian: Sexually?
Elizabeth: No more than that. If it were only romantic or sexual I wouldn't do small talk with you. I wouldn't have gone on practice dates with you if it was just sexual attraction. You're not just a guy friend and you're not quite a boyfriend. I have an intimate fondness for you that most women don't have for their boyfriends. They skip right pass it and take it for granted. And as much as you remain reclusive and stay in your own world I know and understand you don't take friendship for granted.
Brian: Like a thirsty man doesn't take water for granted in the desert.
Elizabeth: No like a musician doesn't take his instrument for granted. You love others because you are truly in love with love itself not because you need it. You know what a wonderful feeling it is and I almost took that feeling for granted until I met you. Now I'm going to kiss you because I know we both want to (she plunges in and kisses him on the living room couch)
David: So much for the worst case scenario Thomas
Mike: Hey I'm just as shocked as you are by this Thomas.
Thomas: I'm not
Mike: What then why did you ask him to scrutinize himself?
Thomas: Because she like him for him, and what he is happens to be an overly worried hopeless romantic. The scrutiny caused him to let go of any pretentious facade he might put on during a date mainly to impress her. It would have been detrimental since he already impressed her.
Brian (man): (ecstatic) Can you believe it? She naturally likes me! She naturally likes me?
Thomas (cat): Wait Brian, she didn't say she liked you. She said she was acting as if she was dating a stranger.
Mike (dog): Yeah so?
Brian: Yeah so what Thomas?
Thomas: So? So she would be that way with a stranger but you're not a stranger you've known her for months, you are well established in the friend zone.
Brian: Friend zone? What is this a cheesy NBC sex comedy?
Thomas: No more like HBO you're not in high school anymore sport. You have to analyze everything in the worst light possible so you don't over assume yourself toward her.
Brian: What?
Thomas: That didn't make any sense but what I meant was you should always assume the worst interpretation of any verbal or non-verbal statements.
Brian: Why?
Thomas: That way you don't embarrass yourself by being over presumptuous
David (hamster): Don't listen to Thomas. Worrying about the worst outcome only adds anxiety which only leads to self-fulfilled failure.
Mike: Then why do you always assume the worse?
David: I suffer from paranoia and depression you can't just escape that sort of mindset at will.
Brian: (looking around the room panicking) Well what do I do then? (doorbell rings) Is it Friday?
Mike: No it's not. It's Wednesday.
Thomas: That was yesterday.
Brian: (panicking) Well what does that make today?
Mike: God you are nervous. Thursday comes after Wednesday. Friday is tomorrow.
Brian: Well I'll go get the door then (walks to the door and opens it to find Elizabeth at the door) Oh hi Elizabeth how are you, what are you doing here it's Thursday?
Elizabeth (librarian): Yes I do have a calendar and I did look at it this morning. But the reason why I'm here is because sometimes couples meet each other between dates.
Brian: (laughs shyly) Wow you are committed to this whole practice thing.
Elizabeth: Well you should be glad.
Brian: Of course I am it means I get to see more of you.
Elizabeth: (grins) Ah that is so-oo sweet Brian.
Brian: I just get nervous around people especially when they come unexpectedly.
Elizabeth: You never came to someone's place unexpectedly?
Brian: No I have few friends and hardly have the nerve to leave my home here.
Elizabeth: Well are you busy right now?
Brian: (honestly) Yeah I've been trying to work on this article I've been wanting to send to this music magazine.
Elizabeth: Rolling Stone?
Brian: No the Memphis Music Monthly. But I did write this one article for Dog Fancy just this past week called "Why Dogs Make Better Wingmen"
Elizabeth: Oh wow when does that come out?
Brian: Well I just got an email from their editor and they'll print it in next month but I should get the check some time this week about $400
Elizabeth: So you don't work for any particular magazine how does that work?
Brian: Great I don't have to write on one topic week after week.
Elizabeth: No I mean how does the employment arrangement work out? Like how do they hire freelance writers?
Brian: Well I just started when I was twelve sending in my writings into magazines and they just had to start paying me.
Elizabeth: Really?
Brian: Yeah well technically I'm unemployed and the Bureau of Vocational Resources tried putting me through job placement but after several jobs didn't work out they got in contact with some major magazine corporations and see if they would hire a part time writer from their welfare offices and they found a few that would hire and as long as I keep in contact with the editors and keep writing articles I can make some money without welfare but I did start writing articles to major magazines since I was twelve, but without the BVR I wouldn't be getting paid for it.
Elizabeth: One quick tip don't rant and if you do avoid the topics of unemployment and welfare.
Brian: Well why didn't you stop me?
Elizabeth: Well that would be rude.
Brian: Oh should we start all over?
Elizabeth: No just back to that music article you were writing. So what is it called?
Brian: Oh uh "Twenty Five Love Songs For Men Who Don't Like Love Songs"
Elizabeth: Oh well what's on the list?
Brian: A lot of oldies.
Elizabeth: Do you find oldies more romantic?
Brian: Well yeah love songs were less hedonistic and more caring back then.
Elizabeth: Well like what oldies songs are on the list?
Brian: I have a mix tape I'll play it at dinner tomorrow. You don't mind steaks again? It's the only thing I know how to cook otherwise I'll have to bring back fast food on my way back home from the bus ride.
Elizabeth: Fine but could I know what some of those songs are?
Brian: Wow you seem sincerely interested.
Elizabeth: Well that's because I am. I'd like to know what you consider romantic music.
Brian: Well "In My Life" by the Beatles tops the list nexto "Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrill.
Elizabeth: Why those songs?
Brian: Well they're honest. They don't make unfulfilled promises and say flattering half truths yet they are the most complimentary compositions mankind may ever hear because it comes from sincere love.
Elizabeth: That was extraordinarily articulate and beautiful. What are some others on the list?
Brian: "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys "Cant Help Falling In Love" by Elvis and..
Elizabeth: Elvis Costello? (Brian stares blankly) I'm joking (both laugh)
Brian: No, no then it wouldn't be love songs for people who hate love songs, but (thought hits him and he responds spastically) oh I almost forgot "If Not For You" written by Bob Dylan, but for those who don't care for Dylan there's the George Harrison version. And one last one I have to tell you about and then you'll just have to read it by yourself when you get the magazine.
Elizabeth: But the Memphis Music Monthly doesn't come to Minnesota?
Brian: Oh yeah well just one more before you get bored of listening to me.
Elizabeth: I'm fascinated, my grandparents listened to the same music at their fiftieth wedding anniversary.
Brian: I didn't know fiftieth anniversaries still existed.
Elizabeth: I didn't know Beatles fans still existed until I met you.
Brian: Oh "Till There Was You" from The Music Man
Elizabeth: Wow did you live with The Golden Girls?
Brian: Okay so old love songs are my guilty pleasure, so I like silly love songs what's wrong with that
Elizabeth: (singing) I'd like to know.
Brian: (joining in) because here I go again
Together: (harmonizing) I love you
Brian: Well let's save the rest of our banter for tomorrow. (Nervously) Should I kiss you goodbye?
Elizabeth: I'd love to (gives a quick kiss on the lips)
Brian: You are such a kiss teaser!
Elizabeth: (laughs in shock) Ahh What--tt?
Brian: (flirtatiously in his non casual awkward way) Yeah after all that romantic conversation and climatic build up all I get is a quick peck?
Elizabeth: Well what do you expect?
Brian: This (grabs her closely one arm around her waist and one arm around her shoulders leaning in to kiss her) oh my God i am so so very sorry please please-ease forgive me you don't have to come over tomorrow just don't be mad at me and I really love you as my friend.
Elizabeth: That's alright but other women might not like that and I normally don't but I understand you
Brian: (remorsefully and embarrassed) No you don't (shutting the door)
Elizabeth: (holding the door open) Look. Maybe hearing that somebody understands you is a strange seemingly impossible concept and maybe I don't but I do understand a lot about you and your ways.
Brian: You make it sound like a bleeding anthropology documentary.
Elizabeth: It bleeding well is because you have your own culture, your own world and your own universe but everybody does and the reason I care so much about yours is because you don't act like the center of your own universe or at least you don't expect others to be in orbit of you.
Brian: Before I say anything else could you answer me one question?
Elizabeth: What?
Brian: Exactly how do you like me?
Elizabeth: Like Roxanne loved Cyrano. Other than that I don't know how to answer. Loving you as a person lead me to loving you as a friend which for me inevitably lead me to loving you like a mate. I don't know if like a soulmate. I don't even know f I have one. But I love you.
Brian: Sexually?
Elizabeth: No more than that. If it were only romantic or sexual I wouldn't do small talk with you. I wouldn't have gone on practice dates with you if it was just sexual attraction. You're not just a guy friend and you're not quite a boyfriend. I have an intimate fondness for you that most women don't have for their boyfriends. They skip right pass it and take it for granted. And as much as you remain reclusive and stay in your own world I know and understand you don't take friendship for granted.
Brian: Like a thirsty man doesn't take water for granted in the desert.
Elizabeth: No like a musician doesn't take his instrument for granted. You love others because you are truly in love with love itself not because you need it. You know what a wonderful feeling it is and I almost took that feeling for granted until I met you. Now I'm going to kiss you because I know we both want to (she plunges in and kisses him on the living room couch)
David: So much for the worst case scenario Thomas
Mike: Hey I'm just as shocked as you are by this Thomas.
Thomas: I'm not
Mike: What then why did you ask him to scrutinize himself?
Thomas: Because she like him for him, and what he is happens to be an overly worried hopeless romantic. The scrutiny caused him to let go of any pretentious facade he might put on during a date mainly to impress her. It would have been detrimental since he already impressed her.
The End Of Pilot Episode of Man's Best Friends
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