A matter of discretion

I would just like to point out I've been writing poetry since August 16, 1998 so I was fourteen when I started and all the poems I've written since that first one "Trapped Childhood" is or will be typed into my blog so a lot of the experiences I've wrote about have come from parts of my life that are less prevalent to who I am now. But everything I write about deals with something fundamentally sincere about me, but the relative truth of the material changed over time. Puberty is a main theme that I deal with somewhat bluntly and being twenty-five there is still truth in what I wrote but hopefully I continue to mature and maybe get a better handle of my social/emotional/spiritual/physical/sexual life but luckily I've never been too ashamed of myself as to look back at my life with serious regrets and yet I'm still significantly better than I once was in some ways other ways are worse to some degree to be frank but nothing outside the typical range of my expectable behavior nothing shocking to any one who would have known me in any other type of context, so I will continue type poems about my puberty with only slight reluctance

14th Collection of Poetry

Jobless Hopeless
Lost forever stuck immobile
Might as well get cozy I'll be here for awhile
Lost forever alone tired of looking for my way
Just want to escape life for a day
No job no friends by my side
No calls from the stores I applied
So I waste another day in void
Escaping the pain and loneliness with Pink Floyd
My senses give me nothing but sorrow
Forever awaiting another tomorrow
Escape this pain with a cheap thrill
It's better than vain work or standing still

Evaluation
I don't know what's in store
Dying for sins I did not ask for
I did not willingly create
These feelings are innate
Something natural smothered in tacky decadence
Something beautiful, ugly, real and phony makes no sense
I don't want to pollute
But I need a substitute
Because if I'm too young for it to be real
I need placebos to make my soul heal
I know it is wrong
But my will wasn't born strong

Puberty
I sit still but my body's moving too fast
Another change as each moment's past
I do nothing hoping nothing will change
But my life is getting rearranged
My hormone and my heart are growing wild
But my mind is stuck between man and child
I sometimes think like a man but love like a little boy
Sometimes it's the other way but neither can I have any joy
My mind and body are changing within and without
Marked and scarred by my insecurity and doubt
But I have to face that time is the only way out