No Offense Taken- "Vagrant Criminal"

(urban street 10:00pm with a homeless man sleeping on a bus stop bench. Cop car comes and parks at the bus stop. Cop walk out and goes to homeless man)
Cop: (waking him up) All right now wake up now you're under arrest.
Vagrant: What? What for?
Cop: (threateningly) Do I have to remind you that you have the right to remain silent fella?
Vagrant: Habeas Corpus
Cop: (shocked, embarrassed) Oh Damn this one's read up on the Constitution. Well you're under arrest for loitering
Vagrant: I'm not loitering I'm homeless.
Cop: So you're still loitering
Vagrant: Well I have to sleep somewhere?
Cop: Well decent, law-biding, economically viable citizens need to use this space.
Vagrant: Where are they? The bus doesn't come until 7:15 in the morning. Do you see a bus coming (looks around) nope no bus (shocked) but there's a cop car parked in it's place.
Cop: (noticing brown paper bag under the bench) Aha you're under arrest for being drunk in public
Vagrant: I demand a breathalyser test.
Cop: (surprised) I don't have one on me. So stand up on one leg and count to ten. (Vagrant stands on his left leg, while the cop grabs the brown paper sack. The vagrant tries to grab it from the cop but falls down) All right that proves it you're under arrest
Vagrant: So what's in the sack?
Cop: The evidence apparently.
Vagrant: I'll waive my right to a warrant if you just reach in and let me see what's in it.
Cop: (reaches in) Okay fine it's (pulls out Aquafina bottle) Zima disguised as Aquafina.
Vagrant: Do you really think any court in the land will believe that?
Cop: That doesn't matter, what does is now the police department has someone to prosecute in place of all the murderers and rapists we can't seem to catch. Hey if you confess to some of those we can save some court money and go light on your sentencing.
Vagrant: But you were already going to send me to court for public drunkenness?
Cop: Public intoxication, besides that would have been for show, a criminal confession gets more press.
Vagrant: Fine I did it all what are the murder and rape charges at least I'll have a decent place to sleep, I haven't had one since they closed the homeless shelter to put up a Starbucks